Can somebody Mind my dignity for me please?

And here is the result of my second visit!...............................................

Now DS3 was back there today and tall Doc was there, which was great because I feel off the wagon last week and needed to feel little for a few minutes  

Well, he says to me that I am almost 29 and therefore I will have to start going for breast checks every 6 months this year (family history)

Anyway, I can just about make my peace with this, as tall doc, as nice as he is, isn't gorgeous or anything, so I agree to make the appt with the nurse (but doc has to be there too)
So, once I come to terms with the fact that Tall doc will see the horrendous site that is my breasts, not to mention the mass of a stomach that comes with whipping the girls out  I trot over to the nurses room (it's a quiet day so I just walk right in)

Ah Baby Dust she says, all happy that I am there "I'm so glad to see you, because we need to get a smear test from you"

HOLD THE FRCIKIN PHONE WILL YE!! I think, morto at the thought of not only exposing the two sacks of overhang that used to be my boobs, but now I am expected to get my bajingo out too  

However I know what has happened to Jade, so I suck it up and agree.

So she goes on the computer and says that she will get the breast check and smear done together but that the doc will only be there for the breast check because he actually has to do it.

Ah frick, so now tall doc will not only see the spaniels ears, but he will touch them now too.
Now I know there is nothing sexual in it, and I know what I am about to say sounds crazy, but I promise you it's true.
I don't want him to touch my boobs because they are too fat!!!!!

So I have the voice in my head screaming at me to get the hell out of there right now, but I smile and nod, trying to act like a grown up.

She presses some more buttons and I start to come to terms with the fact that Tall doc will know that I have fat knockers and she tells me she is available Thursday afternoon.

Okay I smile, trying to drown out the "get the hell out of there" screech that is still in my head.

She books me in and I am slightly relieved that it will be over with next week.

I make a mental note to tame the bush before my appt, and try not to think about the fact that my bajingo is fat too, never mind my inner thighs, that she will in fact be coming face to..........erm ........face with?  

Okay it's for the best I reason with myself and thank her for sorting it for me.

"Oh" I say as I am about to open the door "Will Tall Doc be in here for my smear too?" I ask, praying that the answer will be no.

"Oh no" she smiled "The doctors don't do them, we do"

The relief is immense.......................until she says.

"But Tall doc won't be here anyway, it will be Doctor Love"

AAAARRRGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Times everything I felt before by a squllion already!!!

I can't let Doctor Love see the girls!! He is far to smooth and sexy and......I don't know what else, but you know what I mean  

It's far far far too embarrassing!

Every time I see him afterwards I will be thinking 

"You know what my knockers look like without a bra, and you know it ain't pretty, and you have seen my belly, Oh God there are hairs on my lower belly, you have seen them too, you know one of my nipples is an innie, you also know that they are saggy, and you know I wear a push up bra to stop my nipples dragging along the floor, and now you will be put off your lunch and dinner, and the next time I see you, you will be a stone lighter because I disgusted you that much you couldn't eat for a week, and you will always think " oh here comes saggy tit's" every time you see me, and you know I didn't breastfeed so I can't even blame it on that..........."

There is more, but I won't write it in case you all think I'm crazy.

So on Thursday, I'm gonna need someone to look after my dignity for me until I get back.

Oh and do you think I will be able to just pull my top down (you know, the way they do on the holiday rep shows) so he can't see my mammoth belly? or would that be considered too weird?

Damn you boobs and bajingo's!!!!