I knew living in a small rural place would come and bite me on the arse one day, and today was that day.
You no doubt will remember my last post regarding my boob and bajingo appt with Doctor love, which I had to cancel today because DS3 had an appt for his eight month check (which is a whole other thread btw
)
I would be lying if I said I wasn't relieved....
Ah-hen-e how, fresh from the visit to the PHN I then realise that I need Oil, chocolate chips, Flour and Co Co (Yes okay, I was going to make the five minute chocolate mug cake.....busted
)
So me and DS1 go into the shop, pick some bits and bobs up (including my alldays "fresh" pantyliners, which ironically enough I would never usually get in there, but they had a double pack on offer so I picked it up thinking I would save a few bob)
The place is deserted, which is nice because it's stress free shopping (or it's supposed to be anyway)
So me and DS1 head to the counter with our goodies.
There is one little old Lady in front of me buying some milk so I wait behind her and place my things on the counter.
The old lady starts chatting to the checkout girl, which is to be expected, and I'm not in a rush so I just smile and show I don't mind.
Right then, I hear someone join the queue behind me, I turn around and frickety frick frick!!!
It's Doctor Love
"Hello Baby Dust" he says as he places his sandwich right behind my Alldays FRESH pantyliners.
My first thought was "Oh frick, you were supposed to see my tit's today" and I instantly look down to check that I am not showing any clevage, which of course then leads me to believe that he saw me looking down at my own breasts, which would then remind him that he was supposed to see them today in case he had forgotten.
"Oh, I know I have been to see you too many times if you remember my name" I laugh all the time thinking
"Frick, frick, frick, he has seen my pantyliners, and they have huge fecking letters on the box to tell you that they are fresh, which in other words must tell you that I have a smelly bajingo and therefore need the extra fresh odour eating industrial strangth pantyliners.
Why oh why in God's good name did I not just get the small box, so the writing would be at least half the size, or better still wait until I go to the chemist and pick them up in there"
He laughs at my attempt at a joke and I can't seem to change the look of horror on my face as I see just how close his Egg mayo sandwich is to the offending item.
I start to think "Should I move it? maybe I should, but then if he hasn't actually noticed it then I will just be bringing attention to it by moving the gigantic box and placing it further up the belt, oh FFS, why don't I just grab the speaker and announce to the store that BABYDUST HAS A SMELLY BAJINGO!!!"
"OK then, so maybe he won't even notice it" I reason with myself, all the while the old lady and the cashier still gassing like they have all the time in the world,.
"After all, there are other things on the belt, like flour, oil, choco.........ah shit!!!
The guy knows I'm overweight (Yea, because that's the kinda thing you have to tell people, it's not like they can see it themselves ) and should be dieting and here I am with the feckin ingriedients for a chocolate cake lined up"
I don't know what's worse!
"Are you alright then" he asks, looking even sexier than usual.
"Oh yes thanks" I say, all the while trying to think about something to say that will stop him from looking at my purchases and thinking "ye fat cow, you are supposed to be on a diet!!"
Finally, the little old lady moves along and the checkout girl looks at me and says hello.
"Thank feck for that" I think as I move across to the other end of the belt.
So there is Doctor love, still talking smiling and talking to DS1, while I am trying to gather the things together.
At this point, I remember that this shop don't "do" carrier bags, so I am going to have to carry the stuff on my person.
I try to disguise the giant box of anti smelly bajingo pads behind the flour, but the box is twice as big as the small bag of flour, so I just try to cover the "fresh" part of it.
"No, doubt I will be seeing you soon enough Doctor Love" I smile, hoping against hope that if I just act normal then he won't go and tell the nurse who is doing my smear that she had better have the gas mask ready for my visit, otherwise she will choke on my bajingo fumes.
he smiles and laughs and I walk away, thinking I still have a bit of dignity left.
I of course drop the box just as I get to the doorway, and see DS1 reaching to grab them so I just keep on walking out the door, until I hear DS1 shout
"Mammy, ye dropped your nappys!"
I didn't even look back, DS1 had to chase after me to the car...........
The worst thing is that I have to go see him tomorrow morning because the PHN wants him to check DS3's hips.
FRICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You no doubt will remember my last post regarding my boob and bajingo appt with Doctor love, which I had to cancel today because DS3 had an appt for his eight month check (which is a whole other thread btw
)I would be lying if I said I wasn't relieved....
Ah-hen-e how, fresh from the visit to the PHN I then realise that I need Oil, chocolate chips, Flour and Co Co (Yes okay, I was going to make the five minute chocolate mug cake.....busted
)So me and DS1 go into the shop, pick some bits and bobs up (including my alldays "fresh" pantyliners, which ironically enough I would never usually get in there, but they had a double pack on offer so I picked it up thinking I would save a few bob)
The place is deserted, which is nice because it's stress free shopping (or it's supposed to be anyway)
So me and DS1 head to the counter with our goodies.
There is one little old Lady in front of me buying some milk so I wait behind her and place my things on the counter.
The old lady starts chatting to the checkout girl, which is to be expected, and I'm not in a rush so I just smile and show I don't mind.
Right then, I hear someone join the queue behind me, I turn around and frickety frick frick!!!
It's Doctor Love
"Hello Baby Dust" he says as he places his sandwich right behind my Alldays FRESH pantyliners.
My first thought was "Oh frick, you were supposed to see my tit's today" and I instantly look down to check that I am not showing any clevage, which of course then leads me to believe that he saw me looking down at my own breasts, which would then remind him that he was supposed to see them today in case he had forgotten.
"Oh, I know I have been to see you too many times if you remember my name" I laugh all the time thinking
"Frick, frick, frick, he has seen my pantyliners, and they have huge fecking letters on the box to tell you that they are fresh, which in other words must tell you that I have a smelly bajingo and therefore need the extra fresh odour eating industrial strangth pantyliners.
Why oh why in God's good name did I not just get the small box, so the writing would be at least half the size, or better still wait until I go to the chemist and pick them up in there"
He laughs at my attempt at a joke and I can't seem to change the look of horror on my face as I see just how close his Egg mayo sandwich is to the offending item.
I start to think "Should I move it? maybe I should, but then if he hasn't actually noticed it then I will just be bringing attention to it by moving the gigantic box and placing it further up the belt, oh FFS, why don't I just grab the speaker and announce to the store that BABYDUST HAS A SMELLY BAJINGO!!!"
"OK then, so maybe he won't even notice it" I reason with myself, all the while the old lady and the cashier still gassing like they have all the time in the world,.
"After all, there are other things on the belt, like flour, oil, choco.........ah shit!!!
The guy knows I'm overweight (Yea, because that's the kinda thing you have to tell people, it's not like they can see it themselves
) and should be dieting and here I am with the feckin ingriedients for a chocolate cake lined up"I don't know what's worse!
"Are you alright then" he asks, looking even sexier than usual.
"Oh yes thanks" I say, all the while trying to think about something to say that will stop him from looking at my purchases and thinking "ye fat cow, you are supposed to be on a diet!!"
Finally, the little old lady moves along and the checkout girl looks at me and says hello.
"Thank feck for that" I think as I move across to the other end of the belt.
So there is Doctor love, still talking smiling and talking to DS1, while I am trying to gather the things together.
At this point, I remember that this shop don't "do" carrier bags, so I am going to have to carry the stuff on my person.
I try to disguise the giant box of anti smelly bajingo pads behind the flour, but the box is twice as big as the small bag of flour, so I just try to cover the "fresh" part of it.
"No, doubt I will be seeing you soon enough Doctor Love" I smile, hoping against hope that if I just act normal then he won't go and tell the nurse who is doing my smear that she had better have the gas mask ready for my visit, otherwise she will choke on my bajingo fumes.
he smiles and laughs and I walk away, thinking I still have a bit of dignity left.
I of course drop the box just as I get to the doorway, and see DS1 reaching to grab them so I just keep on walking out the door, until I hear DS1 shout
"Mammy, ye dropped your nappys!"
I didn't even look back, DS1 had to chase after me to the car...........
The worst thing is that I have to go see him tomorrow morning because the PHN wants him to check DS3's hips.
FRICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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