So I'm all ready to tell yis how today went.
I hope I'm not boring yis to death with all the doctor talk but a few people have asked for an update so here I am!
It all starts well! The nurse (who seems to have made it her new years resolution to get a smear test from me!) called me in, so I thought, great she just has to check his hips and I'm outta here!
No such luck, as soon as I told her PHN had wanted to get him checked because he had an extra fold near his hips, off she went to get the doctor.
Now I had already bumped into floppy haired doctor (I mean literally bumped into him too.
I was holding the baby and he was doing his usual rock backwards and forwards and try to headbutt me thing, and I was just standing at reception to say that I was here.
I turned around to go and take a seat and I didn't realise that he was behind me.
I of course scream out in an extra loud shocked voice "Frick!" (I seem to be using that word a lot lately, and of course the flipping place was otherwise silent)
Quickly followed by "Oh my God, I'm so sorry"
Floppy haired doc just flashed me a smile and told me it was okay and he placed his hand on my back and moved around me.
I could feel my face getting hotter, and I just knew I was the colour of a beetroot.
Now once I go red, it takes me ages and ages to get back to looking normal again, so I was still red when I went in to see the nurse...
Anyhoo, I'm waiting for her to come back in with one of the doctors and hope that it's not Doctor Love (you will remember what happened yesterday with the bajingo pads)
The baby is on the bed with his trousers off ready to be examined and I start to flap my hands about in front of my face in a bid to cool it down and take away some of the redness, now in all honestly, I wasn't helping matters by keeping my coat on, but if I was to remove that then my arse would be on show because my top didn't cover it, so I would rather be all hot and red for the time being.
In walks the nurse, with.......yep..........you guessed it..............Doctor Love!!
He sees me and I quickly move my flapping hands down to my sides, praying he didn't think I was just trying to waft away a bad smell, and I swear to God the smile on his face is huge
"Frick" I think as I just know he is thinking, "ah ha, it's the smelly bajingo girl who won't get her tits out, and now she is trying to waft the stench around the room so I don;t notice it"
"Hello Babydust" he practically beams.
I try to take the focus away from the gigantic box of pads that he is clearly having flashback's about by making a joke.
"I told you it wouldn't be long till I would see you again" I laugh.
I just know that he is thinking "fresh bajingo, fresh bajingo ha ha" and like a scene in a horror film the image of a box of pads next to his egg mayo sandwich on the conveyor belt flashes through my mind.
He jumps across the bed and straddles it in such a smooth manner, and I find myself wanting to be that bed, which makes me go even more red in the face!
He takes DS3 nappy off and says "whoa, he is a real Irish boy, his balls are huge!"
The Nurse bursts out laughing, as do I (although I have no idea if they are!)
He starts to check him, he then does this thing to his groin and says "Ah do you see that?"
I look at him completely bemused.
I try not to look like a dumb arse, but seeing as I don't actually spend too much time admiring DS's "chipmonk" I really don't know what I'm supposed to be looking for.
"Its a reflex action, watch when I press there you will see his testicles move up into his body"
I watch, and see that this is indeed the case.
Me being me then say's the stupidest thing.
"Is that good?"
He looks at me like I'm crazy and I quickly say "I mean, is that supposed to happen!"
He then starts to tell me about this animal in south Africa who retracts it's balls to protect them from the heat, when the sun beats down onto the ground and the rays bounce up onto the animals underside.
I listen intently, and couldn't help myself from saying
"My DH could do with that reflex when he annoys me"
He laughs, and all seems okay, at least there is no bajingo talk!
He then gets DS to stand up and bare some weight on his legs and asks
"Is he walking yet?"
I laugh and say "Of course not, he is only eight months!"
He smiles and says "Ah but I was walking at six"
Me and the nurse look at each other and say "Years is that"
I think he likes us taking the mick outt him!
Everyone is laughing and the mood is good, I start to relax a bit which is great.
He then says to put some special bum cream on DS's rash under his neck and I say "Oh it's all balls and bums with you isn't it"
Oh frickity frick frick!!
Thats right babydust, just tell the man that he is obsessed with peoples balls and arses, that's not like telling him he is gay at all is it now?
I'm sure I'm so red that my head is about to expload.
He, as smooth as ever just says
"Oh I'm an old pervert me"
I swear my knees just went weak and I think "oh but if only"
And he jokes "Yes I was banned in my country, why do you think I'm working here"
Everyone is laughing and I can hear myself saying the words before they even come out, but I am for some reason powerless to stop them leaving my mouth.
"Oh I must make an appointment with you for myself then"
FRCIK!!! Now he will know that you think he is sexy......I just want to DIE!!!
He tells me how to treat DS3's rash and explains that
"It can also be found under the breast" before he laughs loudly and says "see now we are talking about breasts too!"
I grin and prey that he isn't trying to drop a hint.
He however seems to think that this is funny, and I hope the desperation in my laugh isn't making him think that I spend my days chasing pervs because that's the only way I could get some action.
We all say goodbye and I thank him and he leaves the room.
The nurse says "Isn't he brilliant" and I just KNOW that he is Doctor Love to her too
So all being well I get baby dressed and she then starts at me about my smear and breast check.
(I can only assume that Doctor Love hasn't told her about the smelly bajingo thing)
Well I will start with the breast check I say, because to tell yis the truth, I attacked my bajingo with the ladyshave a couple of days ago and kinda got a bit carried away.
In other words, I look like a pre pubescent twelve year old girl down there
so I need to let it grow for a week or two.
She goes over how to check my breasts and notices that I have a rash on my upper chest (had it for a while now, and it is not pretty)
She says, Will I call him in again to check that for you.
"HOLY MOTHER OF GOD ARE YOU CRAZY" I practically scream.
"Um, I mean, oh it's okay, I'm sure it will be fine"
"No No No" she insists, acting like Mrs Doyle on from Father Ted only on an overdose of E numbers
"We can give you something for that, let me go and speak to him, he will only have a quick look"
And with that she leaves the room, leaving me sitting there with my thoughts, and I have A LOT of them.
Why not get him in to have a look, I mean it;s not like it's an embarrassing thing now is it, sure the fat won't repulse him enough, lets just get the big oul rash to tip him over the edge!
I have only just admitted that I like the idea of him being a perv, and then, the nurse goes in there and says "Oh yes she has a rash on her tit's, please come in and "examine" them.
I see him having visions of me lying there, nipples erect and lustfully saying "Come and feel my breasts big boy"
I then have visions of his own testicles retracting in horror, much like the South African animal he was telling me about earlier
He will be thinking I am ready to frickin rape him
OhmiGod, how do I get myself into these situations, me and Doctors should never mix, no good can come from it!!!
I sit there and think "frick I have me oul granny bra on, and he will see it, and think, even a Perv wouldn't get turned on by that love, before he goes ahead and pukes up his usual egg sarnie.
I sit there and go over all the balls and arse talk that went on before and then like a slap in the face it hit me!!
He must have been dropping a hint about my chest rash when he mentioned that DS3's rash can be found under the breast.
Arrghh, he is officially repulsed and trying to tell me how to clear it up without me forcing him to look at it, and now she is going to say "come and look at the fat girls tittys because she fancies you and wants you to feel her up!!!
At this point the nurse comes back and gives me an appt and explains that he wants to get my full blood works done as he thinks it may be hormonal and once the results are back I am to book in with him to go over everything.
So it's not over!!
I have a blood test on Tuesday and an appt with him the following week, he wants to check me from "top to toe"
Oh Frick, what am I gonna do?
I only went in for DS3, aren't they supposed to ignore the person bringing in the patient
I have a feeling that I may have to resort to fake tan to make the blubber look a bit more human..........
How the frick do I get outta this one?
I hope I'm not boring yis to death with all the doctor talk but a few people have asked for an update so here I am!
It all starts well! The nurse (who seems to have made it her new years resolution to get a smear test from me!) called me in, so I thought, great she just has to check his hips and I'm outta here!
No such luck, as soon as I told her PHN had wanted to get him checked because he had an extra fold near his hips, off she went to get the doctor.
Now I had already bumped into floppy haired doctor (I mean literally bumped into him too.
I was holding the baby and he was doing his usual rock backwards and forwards and try to headbutt me thing, and I was just standing at reception to say that I was here.
I turned around to go and take a seat and I didn't realise that he was behind me.
I of course scream out in an extra loud shocked voice "Frick!" (I seem to be using that word a lot lately, and of course the flipping place was otherwise silent)
Quickly followed by "Oh my God, I'm so sorry"
Floppy haired doc just flashed me a smile and told me it was okay and he placed his hand on my back and moved around me.
I could feel my face getting hotter, and I just knew I was the colour of a beetroot.
Now once I go red, it takes me ages and ages to get back to looking normal again, so I was still red when I went in to see the nurse...
Anyhoo, I'm waiting for her to come back in with one of the doctors and hope that it's not Doctor Love (you will remember what happened yesterday with the bajingo pads)
The baby is on the bed with his trousers off ready to be examined and I start to flap my hands about in front of my face in a bid to cool it down and take away some of the redness, now in all honestly, I wasn't helping matters by keeping my coat on, but if I was to remove that then my arse would be on show because my top didn't cover it, so I would rather be all hot and red for the time being.
In walks the nurse, with.......yep..........you guessed it..............Doctor Love!!
He sees me and I quickly move my flapping hands down to my sides, praying he didn't think I was just trying to waft away a bad smell, and I swear to God the smile on his face is huge
"Frick" I think as I just know he is thinking, "ah ha, it's the smelly bajingo girl who won't get her tits out, and now she is trying to waft the stench around the room so I don;t notice it"
"Hello Babydust" he practically beams.
I try to take the focus away from the gigantic box of pads that he is clearly having flashback's about by making a joke.
"I told you it wouldn't be long till I would see you again" I laugh.
I just know that he is thinking "fresh bajingo, fresh bajingo ha ha" and like a scene in a horror film the image of a box of pads next to his egg mayo sandwich on the conveyor belt flashes through my mind.
He jumps across the bed and straddles it in such a smooth manner, and I find myself wanting to be that bed, which makes me go even more red in the face!
He takes DS3 nappy off and says "whoa, he is a real Irish boy, his balls are huge!"
The Nurse bursts out laughing, as do I (although I have no idea if they are!)
He starts to check him, he then does this thing to his groin and says "Ah do you see that?"
I look at him completely bemused.
I try not to look like a dumb arse, but seeing as I don't actually spend too much time admiring DS's "chipmonk" I really don't know what I'm supposed to be looking for.
"Its a reflex action, watch when I press there you will see his testicles move up into his body"
I watch, and see that this is indeed the case.
Me being me then say's the stupidest thing.
"Is that good?"
He looks at me like I'm crazy and I quickly say "I mean, is that supposed to happen!"
He then starts to tell me about this animal in south Africa who retracts it's balls to protect them from the heat, when the sun beats down onto the ground and the rays bounce up onto the animals underside.
I listen intently, and couldn't help myself from saying
"My DH could do with that reflex when he annoys me"
He laughs, and all seems okay, at least there is no bajingo talk!
He then gets DS to stand up and bare some weight on his legs and asks
"Is he walking yet?"
I laugh and say "Of course not, he is only eight months!"
He smiles and says "Ah but I was walking at six"
Me and the nurse look at each other and say "Years is that"
I think he likes us taking the mick outt him!
Everyone is laughing and the mood is good, I start to relax a bit which is great.
He then says to put some special bum cream on DS's rash under his neck and I say "Oh it's all balls and bums with you isn't it"
Oh frickity frick frick!!
Thats right babydust, just tell the man that he is obsessed with peoples balls and arses, that's not like telling him he is gay at all is it now?
I'm sure I'm so red that my head is about to expload.
He, as smooth as ever just says
"Oh I'm an old pervert me"
I swear my knees just went weak and I think "oh but if only"
And he jokes "Yes I was banned in my country, why do you think I'm working here"
Everyone is laughing and I can hear myself saying the words before they even come out, but I am for some reason powerless to stop them leaving my mouth.
"Oh I must make an appointment with you for myself then"
FRCIK!!! Now he will know that you think he is sexy......I just want to DIE!!!
He tells me how to treat DS3's rash and explains that
"It can also be found under the breast" before he laughs loudly and says "see now we are talking about breasts too!"
I grin and prey that he isn't trying to drop a hint.
He however seems to think that this is funny, and I hope the desperation in my laugh isn't making him think that I spend my days chasing pervs because that's the only way I could get some action.
We all say goodbye and I thank him and he leaves the room.
The nurse says "Isn't he brilliant" and I just KNOW that he is Doctor Love to her too
So all being well I get baby dressed and she then starts at me about my smear and breast check.
(I can only assume that Doctor Love hasn't told her about the smelly bajingo thing)
Well I will start with the breast check I say, because to tell yis the truth, I attacked my bajingo with the ladyshave a couple of days ago and kinda got a bit carried away.
In other words, I look like a pre pubescent twelve year old girl down there
so I need to let it grow for a week or two.She goes over how to check my breasts and notices that I have a rash on my upper chest (had it for a while now, and it is not pretty)
She says, Will I call him in again to check that for you.
"HOLY MOTHER OF GOD ARE YOU CRAZY" I practically scream.
"Um, I mean, oh it's okay, I'm sure it will be fine"
"No No No" she insists, acting like Mrs Doyle on from Father Ted only on an overdose of E numbers
"We can give you something for that, let me go and speak to him, he will only have a quick look"
And with that she leaves the room, leaving me sitting there with my thoughts, and I have A LOT of them.
Why not get him in to have a look, I mean it;s not like it's an embarrassing thing now is it, sure the fat won't repulse him enough, lets just get the big oul rash to tip him over the edge!
I have only just admitted that I like the idea of him being a perv, and then, the nurse goes in there and says "Oh yes she has a rash on her tit's, please come in and "examine" them.
I see him having visions of me lying there, nipples erect and lustfully saying "Come and feel my breasts big boy"
I then have visions of his own testicles retracting in horror, much like the South African animal he was telling me about earlier
He will be thinking I am ready to frickin rape him
OhmiGod, how do I get myself into these situations, me and Doctors should never mix, no good can come from it!!!
I sit there and think "frick I have me oul granny bra on, and he will see it, and think, even a Perv wouldn't get turned on by that love, before he goes ahead and pukes up his usual egg sarnie.
I sit there and go over all the balls and arse talk that went on before and then like a slap in the face it hit me!!
He must have been dropping a hint about my chest rash when he mentioned that DS3's rash can be found under the breast.
Arrghh, he is officially repulsed and trying to tell me how to clear it up without me forcing him to look at it, and now she is going to say "come and look at the fat girls tittys because she fancies you and wants you to feel her up!!!
At this point the nurse comes back and gives me an appt and explains that he wants to get my full blood works done as he thinks it may be hormonal and once the results are back I am to book in with him to go over everything.
So it's not over!!
I have a blood test on Tuesday and an appt with him the following week, he wants to check me from "top to toe"
Oh Frick, what am I gonna do?
I only went in for DS3, aren't they supposed to ignore the person bringing in the patient
I have a feeling that I may have to resort to fake tan to make the blubber look a bit more human..........
How the frick do I get outta this one?
5 comments:
Loving this babydust. A light at the end of the day.
Babydust looking forward to the next chapter of your encounters with doctor lurve!
ROFL..looking fwd to next installment! Kikkid
so pmsl, have tears coming outta my eyes with laughter. Keep it coming. jgg x
ROFL, so hilarious, can't wait for the next installment!!
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